Ways of Knowing

This post is in response to a request to speak more about ways of knowing.  This is a fairly complex topic!  As part of the PCT training we discussed cognitive, emotional, intuitive and somatic knowing.  For our purposes with the PCT training, I am keeping our content focused on a few important points.  Don’t think that you have to expand beyond these points.  Remember in the PCT training this topic is limited, its introduction serves to broaden the meaning making / assumptions discussion.  I will also reference a few authors should someone want to become more conversant in this topic.

Contextualize within the PCT training

Many people go through life unaware that our ‘knowing’ is informed by more than our cognition. 

Perception – what we see, how we see it, and how we process our understanding of ‘it’ – is shaped by our perceptual lens.  Each person’s perceptual lens draws on different sources of information to make sense of her world.

One opportunity in cultivating deeper levels of self-awareness is to more fully understand how I make sense of my experience – the sources of information I rely on to make meaning.  Understanding the source of the information may allow me to consciously invite other sources into my meaning making.  The advantage here is that I may uncover something new about the situation that may serve me differently.

For Example:

You can distinguish a person who relies more heavily on emotional knowing verses cognitive knowing by the language s/he uses to frame expressions.  For example – “I feel that” rather than “I think that”.  Neither is good, nor bad.  This is information.  The more aware I am of how my perspectives and opinions are informed - I may choose to invite more knowing into meaning making – “yes this may be what I think about this situation, but how do I feel”?

Daniel Goleman is well recognized for his work on the subject emotional intelligence.  He is well published and contextualizes emotional intelligence in work place relationships and leadership.

I think that people may be more familiar with intuitive knowing over somatic knowing.  Many can provide examples of times that actions were forwarded because they intuitively knew it was the right decision – “I knew at a gut level this was the right decision”.  We might not be able to fully explain “how” we knew it was the right decision, yet we felt compelled to act from this place of knowing.  I am equally sure that many have had the experience of ignoring your ‘gut knowing’ and forwarded action based on your cognitive mean making – and perhaps suffered undesired results. 

Many years ago my family and I were getting on a plane to travel to Florida in December.  My husband was attending a professional event and my daughter and I were attending the family days incorporated on the front end of his commitment.  It was snowing heavily and the trip to the airport was treacherous.  We boarded our 7 pm flight well after 8 pm.  We were then deplaned after sitting through a couple of hours deicing.  The flight was delayed many more hours. 

At 1 am, we boarded for the second time and literally as I stepped into the plane I turn to my husband and said – ‘I don’t think this is smart.  What do you think?  Maybe Jordan and I should scrap this trip and head home?  At a gut level we both knew that we were in for a long travel experience that would be more of a hassle than a good family experience.  We ignored our gut and went with our emotional knowing - neither of us wanted Jordan and I to miss out on the family event and our cognitive knowing - Henry did not think it was safe for me to drive home by myself in the middle of the night amidst a snow storm.

We sat on the runway many hours into the next morning (this was before such issues were addressed in the past 10 years).  We arrived in Florida almost 24 hours later.  It rained non-stop for our remaining 2 days.  Our flight home was delayed again due to additional snow fall.  Jordan and I still made the treacherous drive home now in the midst of more snow fall.  And I have pictures of the neighbor kids helping me shovel the four feet of snow at the base of my drive left by the snow plow after two snow storms.

We all have drama filled stories like this one that illuminates learning opportunities! 

Back to somatic knowing. 

The guided visual imagery activity is a great way to introduce learners to somatic knowing.  This is a difficult concept.  Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks, Stanley Kelleman and Thomas Hanna are all published in the field of somatic science (along with many others). For the purposes of PCT – our goal in introducing somatic knowing is to open the learners’ to the notion of mind, body, spirit connection.  Our body sensations are important sources of information and contribute to the nuances of our unique perceptual lens.   For example, the familiar sensation of tightness in my shoulders while discussing an important conflict invites me to consider my angry feeling regarding this conflict.  Noticing a heavy sensation in my chest during an exchange of angry words; invites me to consider if I have unresolved or unexpressed sadness around this conflict as well.

Another great resource for more/different understanding about ways on knowing is the DVD – “What the Bleep do we know”.

Some Comments on the Chaos Activity

The purpose of this activity is to provide the learners with the whole body experience of change.  Of course we don’t tell them this is the purpose at the onset of the activity.  Rather, this activity is most impactful when they step into it without pre-established expectations for what they are going to do or what they might experience.  It is a simple activity, yet powerful in its ability to increase self-awareness and understand one's relationship with change. 

Essentially, everyone experiences change differently; this includes our emotional reactions to change, the thoughts we hold about the change process and our resulting outward actions. 

As the activity unfolds, quite quickly the relationship between the individual learners and change will begin to surface.  You will notice the ways that people are reacting to the activity.  Make mental notes.  These reactions are what you are going to want to debrief.

·         Notice frustration, playful behavior, checking out etc.

·         Notice those in the middle of the group or those who take a parameter view.

·         Notice those who move fast and those who move slow.

The sustenance of the activity emerges during the debriefing conversation.  Begin by asking learners about their experience.  What was your experience?  What did you notice?  How did it feel?  What does this tell you about change?  What does this tell you about your relationship with change?  What does this tell us about change in the work environment? 

The opportunity is to engage their experience of the activity and link the expressed experiences with how change unfolds.  Each time you debrief this activity it may unfold a bit differently given that you are working with the experiences of one particular group of people.

A couple of debriefing points that thread into most group experiences:

·         We are always in the midst of change.

·         When one element of the situation changes, it ripples out and impacts everything / everyone in some way.

·         Your feeling response to the activity offers you feedback about how you react to change.  Self-awareness is increased.

·         Remember to throw in the external influence and debrief that point.

Perhaps the women who conducted the PCT CM training this week can comment on how this activity unfolded for your learners and the debriefing points that were pertinent to your group.

Facilitating PCT Training with Great Success!

A big shout out of CONGRATULATIONS! to: Betsy, Jan, Jen, Laura, Martha, Michelle and Sandra. 


These women facilitated their first PCT Care Manager Training this week.  The session was a great success and they did a fantastic job as facilitators.  I really appreciated the way that you supported one another and your collaborative approach to instruction.


Celebrate this wonderful accomplishment.  You have touched the lives of your learners in many positive ways!


PCT Facilitation Tips!


Remember to connect the learner with the So What factor.  Give explicit examples of how the capacity can positively impact our relationships.


Conclude with the PCT Application.  Give examples of the capacity in action while performing CM duties.


Offer personal examples of your own learning by saying....."I have found that......"  or "It has been my experience....".  

Learning and the Learning Cycle - it's a Process!

For the last two weeks I have been bumping around all sides of the triangle, all twisted up in the grip.  I am talking about the Learning Cycle – right dab smack at the bottom, in defense.   At the heart of my defense is feeling the trespass of power over.  This is unresolved conflict within a professional relationship.  I expect more from the relationship and I expect more from myself.  After all, I see the power issue at play, I understand my trigger and my response is very familiar to me.  What I don’t understand is how my heart and mind can continue to disregard years of self-work intended to support me in moving beyond these old wounds.  I wonder, what is it about this particular relationship that can trigger old wounds that consume me with the feeling of being insignificant? 

In this feeling place of insignificance, my behavior is not a pretty sight.  Much like a wounded teenager, I tend to strike out with actions and interactions intended to communicate – “screw you…you don’t think I am good enough? I’ll show you what I can do”.  “I’ll prove my value”. 

Suddenly I feel tremendous sadness and think, “really Stacey, do you need to go here again?”  Doing the same thing over ‘n over while expecting a different outcome, does not equal 100% Responsibility. 

I try to shift by wondering …”what is here for me to learn?” 

Ok, I can still feel the itch of defense –I am not quite ready to learn yet…..slowly I slide back down to the triangle to retell my story from the victim perspective, then I quickly toggle to strike out with blame and a razor sharp tongue.  This pattern is real and it is familiar.  This dynamic continues to resurface in this relationship year to year.  

Perhaps the more important questions to consider are …”how is this familiar?”  Whose voice do I really hear in our exchange?   I have a pretty good sense of some of the projection taking place.  My struggle is the ability to create healthy boundaries in this relationship.  I really don’t know what this means for me yet – if I did, believe me, I would be forwarding some type of change.

So - no answers today; I am simply reflecting on my humanity.  We are all perfectly imperfect human beings traversing together.  I am holding the intention to uncover new perspectives on this particular dust bunny.  It has become exhausting to replay this mental/emotional tape again and again. 

Today my goal is to make a list of the things I appreciate about this relationship.  Second, I intend to identify one small action that I can take that may shift how I currently feel about this relationship.  Third, this week I will take the time to carefully describe the ways that this relationship can be different, my image of the most healthy and rewarding relationship – an image that includes me being 100% Responsible for my actions and interactions.  It's a process.  My intention is to commit to the process.

Check Out the 100% Responsibility Thread

There is an extensive conversation taking place in the 100% Responsibility thread.  The thread delves deeper into the potential of 100% Responsibility for self and in relationships.  Also some discussion on ways to demonstrate this capacity.

A Person-Centered Calendar ??

Egads - Clearly I missed out on the techie smarty-pants gene.  Good grief it took me several hours to figure out how to link a google calendar to my google blog.  Shouting out an expression of appreciation to Becky and Drew at OSA for the tech and emotional support during this adventure into uncharted terrain. 


At last - notice that I have added a gadget in which I have embedded a google calendar.  Yeah!!  Michigan AAA PCT practitioners, does this calendar application meet your needs?  Please provide feedback indicating if this calendar is what you had expected as a resource.  Click on the date and a pop-out box will show the details of the event.


What other information would you like to include?


How might you prefer your events be described?


I welcome your feedback.  Please email me directly.

The Fragility of Self-Image

This morning I sat in a clinician’s waiting room and heard the staff incredulously chatter about news reports of a change in the Astrological Chart and the shift of dates associated with each sign.  An hour earlier, I too had a similar reaction – I thought, ‘say it isn’t so’ when Meredith Viera nonchalantly delivered the news before cutting to a commercial.  As I gulped down my last swig of coffee, I moved from disbelief to outrage and defiantly thought - ” bull-crap, I am an Aquarian and I am not changing”. 

Back to the waiting room – As the young woman broke the news to the unsuspecting group, I heard many reactions and one woman cried out..”well what are you?”  In this moment I shifted to appreciate the fragility of self-identity.

Our constructions of self – our perceived characteristics and personality traits contribute to the continuous loop of self-talk that reinforces the reality of self – our self-image.  At an early age many of us are introduced to our astrological sign.  With intrigue we peruse the characteristics and personality traits associated with our sign and ‘wear’ them as badges of honor.  They describe who I believe myself to be.  I am a Water Bearer.  I am independent, strong-willed, honest, loving and intelligent.  I am a good life partner. 

I look for proof of my Aquarian characteristics in my actions and interactions.   The nature of reality is such that, what I look for I will find.  When I notice these characteristics in my way of being – I make sense of my experience or I justify my actions with confirming self-talk – “yes Stacey – you see, you are an Aquarian”.   This reinforcing self-talk solidifies my understanding of self, which is my self-image.  As a result I incorporate more of this way of being into my actions and interactions.

When this self-image is called into question it can reverberate through one’s being and leave one wondering what is real and true.  “Well WHAT am I”?  I don’t associate myself with being a Capricorn.  Screwed, patient, modest, ruthlessly practical - are all redeeming qualities, but not characteristics that I would associate with my actions and interactions in this life time!  This new image is a space that feels unsure and unstable.  How do I move forward in life?  What exactly are patient and practical ways of being?  I don't think I want to be patient and practical!

With much relief, Meredith returns after the commercial break to explain that Astrologists have been aware of the circumstances contributing to this view for many years and have taken the scientific stance to stick with the ancient formularies.  Phew!  I am relieved – I can move forward with my day feeling confident and comfortable with my Aquarian way of being :).

PCT APPLICATION

Person-centered relationships appreciate and honor individual self-constructions.  Person-centered ways of being foster transparent space; a way of being with one another that holds the aim to understand and appreciate another person’s self-image regardless of how the self-image has been formed.  In this space we are best equipped to honor another person’s choices and preferences.   

100% Responsibility

I received an email request to discuss 100% responsibility.  I learned about this concept and its framing from Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks more than 14 years ago.  I have adopted their framing of this concept for PCT.  They have published many books that discuss this topic in great detail.

I have always resonated with this particular framing of 100% responsibility.  It really makes sense to me and this perspective has supported me in further understanding the quality of my relationships and the outcomes that I create through my actions and interactions.

100% Responsibility is an avenue to explore the outcomes that one creates in life.  Responsibility is an action you take, rather than staying stuck in blame or burden (defense).  Exploring your relationship with responsibility is a conscious approach to increasing self-awareness and fostering personal growth and change.  I prefer to embrace the notion that life doesn’t happen to me; I am an active participant creating the script as I journey.  Even my lack of action is me participating in my life – creating my own story.  This depth of accountability can be difficult for some to accept.  It can also be empowering.  It is living my life from a place of power from within.  And it also supports me in establishing healthy relationship boundaries.  Notice the interweaving of the PCT capacities. 

The email request was specifically to discuss The Cost of Responsibility, Activity 3 and how The Learning Cycle relates.

The Cost of Responsibility: False Equations and wanting to be Right.  The “Cost of Responsibility” is the language that the Hendricks’ used to explain potential reasons why people may unconsciously take less than or more than 100% responsibility in a life situation.  One of the definitions of “Costly” is damaging; causing great loss, damage or suffering.  Another definition is; involving a great deal of effort, time, or sacrifice.  Both perspectives conjure up images of negative consequences in life and relationships.

When we are stuck in the grip or in defense (Learning Cycle) we may rationalize our lack of responsibility with what we believe is a good excuse.  For example, the “Victim” might say – “It’s not my fault that I am late with my paperwork, I have too many clients and my territory is so vast I spend hours on the road!  We justify our lack of action or the outcomes we are producing (in this case late paperwork) with what we think is a good excuse to defend our behavior and absolve ourselves from responsibility.

Another example of why people may not take 100% responsibility is they want to be right and make others wrong. Wanting to be right is associated with the Persecutor role in the defense triangle on the Learning Cycle.  For example – we are attending our monthly team meeting.  One of my colleagues is difficult to work with and often takes the contrary perspective just to banter the issue with me in public.  During the meeting, I hear my colleague say that she is moving forward with an action that I know is not the best choice for the situation – I sit passively, saying nothing.  I think to myself, “let’s just see how that works out for you”; knowing that I will be able to illuminate the short-sightedness of the decision at the next meeting.  It is my opportunity to be right and make her wrong.

Reflective Activity #3 – Page 47 in the toolkit

The purpose of experiential Activity #3 is too explore the concept within one’s own life experiences and then to apply the concept with a committed action to forward positive change.

Activity 3 is an opportunity for learners to reflect on their relationship with 100% responsibility.  It begins by identifying an undesired outcome in one’s life; an unresolved conflict or issue.  Next, the learner thinks about the outcome within the context of responsibility.  The learner considers if she/he is stuck in the role of victim or persecutor relative to this undesired outcome.  This is where the Learning Cycle comes in. 

Then the learner considers the payoff and the cost.  There is always a perceived payoff to staying stuck in our unhealthy patterns.  For example, with the second example above – the payoff may be that I get to put my colleague in her place.  It appears that she gloats every time she challenges me in a public forum; this is my opportunity to get her back.  Not a very relationally healthy response –but human none-the-less.  The payoff may also be that I look more talented or competent to my supervisor.  The cost is that I am reinforcing the ‘gotcha’ / one-upper quality of the relationship.  We remain at odds wasting energy, rather than generating positive energy in collaboration.

Now that I have reflected on my actions and the outcome that I am creating in my life – I am at a crossroad.  I can continue to stay in defense or I can shift and consider what I have to learn from this situation in my life.  How is this familiar?  What images do I hold of the most healing / healthy relationship with this person?  As I begin to consider the learning opportunity, I naturally begin to shift out of defense.  I am moving back toward 'ease and flow' on the Learning Cycle.  My self-awareness has expanded.

The final step to the activity has the learner identifying an action to move the issue forward towards a positive outcome that supports the learner in taking 100% responsibility for her/his actions.  This is the application step in adult learning.

The PCT Application

PCT holds two aims - one is to serve the clients in our communities with PC approaches; and two, is to foster person-centered organizations.  In my journey to become the complete human being I am meant to become, it is my opportunity to take 100% responsibility for the life I am creating.  As my capacity to take 100% responsibility increases, so does my capacity to hold a reliable space for others take 100% responsibility for the life they are creating for themselves while in relationship with me.  We don't live in a vacuum.  We are always in relationship to people, things, ideas, etc. 

This all sounds Person-Centered to me!

The mere mention of adjective, adverb, etc. and my anxiety level spikes.  I reconnect to my poor experience in 7^th and 8^th grade English class that ill prepared me to diagram a sentence – do you remember diagramming sentences?  LOL.  None-the-less, after years of continuous relearning I still revert to the nervous Nellie 7^th grader who can’t recall the function of an adjective!

Imagine my response to an article by Martha Beck that asserts the significance in shifting from noun/verb-based goals to adjective-based goals!  What the heck does this mean?   

In Beck’s words:

“[G]oals made of nouns and verbs are risky: They bring to mind ‘imagined situations,’ as opposed to ‘imagined experiences.’  The two are subtly but crucially different, and experiences, not situations, are always what we really want.

By using adjectives, you can avoid this trap by focusing all your efforts on the quality of the experience you want to create.  This process is harder than ‘normal’ goal setting – it requires some serious soul-searching”.

The next part of the article is the “hook, line, and-sinker” – the part that catches my attention and entices me to shift my New Year’s ritual. 

It outline the steps to generate adjective based goals, which results in goals that describe ‘how you feel’ in your desired scenario.  “It requires that you translate holistic, right-brain sensations into specific, left-brain words”.  Thus illuminating what you are really trying to create in your life. 

This all sounds Person-Centered to me! 

Feeling-based experiences are personal and meaningful to the individual.  It is a balance between what is important to the person and what is important for the person.  Yes we all may want to drop a few pounds after the holidays, but what are we really trying to achieve with this goal?  My husband is a scale devotee.  He steps on it every morning to punish or praise himself.  To each his own, and this approach to weight loss feels awful to me.  Do I really need to add another experience of self-criticism into my daily life? 

Going with the theme here – my goal for the New Year is to feel fit.  I don’t have fancy adjectives; I simply want to feel energetic, interested in regular exercise, and comfortable in my jeans (meaning my bum has shrunk a bit J).  My focus has changed.  My aim is to explore different types of exercise until I find something I really enjoy doing during the cold/dark winter months – be it Pilates, yoga, or the dreaded aerobics (probably not).  When I find the activity that nurtures my holistic self – quite likely I will stick with it and have a more healthy body.  And the search for the right exercise routine is still fruitful! I will begin to feel more energetic with each activity, my interest will drive my choices, and likely my jeans will become more comfortable simply because I am moving my body regularly.

Back to the New Year’s Ritual. 

Every New Year’s Eve my husband and I reflect on that which we intend to create in our lives in the forthcoming year.  It is an activity of setting our intention.  We explore this inquiry through a ceremonial process that is important to us.  Essentially, we are asking for guidance about our learning opportunities in the forthcoming year in our journey to be spiritually whole, our best selves, etc.

One aspect of this process has us connecting with messages from spiritually-based information.  Through this process, the words balance, relaxation and trust emerged for me.  The descriptions of these words, in the specific book I was using, expressed the feeling experience of each word.  I immediately reconnected to the article.  Synchronicity – it resonated with me!  I had an immediate sense of - YES these experiences have been missing in my daily life.  Subsequently, my process is to reflect on how I can cultivate more balance, relaxation and trust in my life this year.  I am considering the felt experience and the mindful actions/interactions I will take to create this aim.

The 2011 Person-Centered Application

It seems to me that traditional health care is very noun/verb based goal setting.  Person-centeredness is really about the felt experience.  What is important to the person – balanced with what is important for the person.  My current inquiry is to continue to explore ways to engage others in a felt experience space.  To me this means going further into inquiry and supporting the individual in the quest to describe the desired state.  How would it feel if…… ? Perhaps this approach may uncover how people want to experience their lives, which in turn may illuminate actions/interactions that might create this felt experience. 

Shifting the focus to how, rather than what.

Welcome 2011

I read some great material during the holiday week between Christmas and New Year's that inspired me to spiral inward and ponder the messages within the context of PCT.  This experience was like a delicious ice cream sundae of the most exotic flavors and toppings - each one so different in its individual expression, yet they came together for a fascinating and delightful experience.

The Princess Boy - A children's book of acceptance and expressing your authentic self.  I am fascinated by the mother's journey to understand the deep cultural and religious perspectives that framed her knowing of her son; and her attempt to influence his way of being / behaving.  The tipping point - an important moment in her unfolding self-awareness when she made the conscious choice to transform these habits of mind and the ultimate journey to transform her relationship with her son. 

The events in her life that led up to her writing this beautiful tale of expressing one's authentic self are the seeds of change.  The book is wonderful.  The website is intriguing.  Her story of experiences that led to writing the book, touched me.  I continue to learn more about myself when I open my heart to another person's story. 

Other thought evoking material included; a leadership book on leading with power and passion, and an interesting article on adjective-based goals.  Both to be discussed more this week.

All three offered many learning opportunities and touch my soul like the colorful sprinkles on an ice cream sundae.  It was a wonderful week to unwind from the outer world that often drives my unconscious behavior and reconnect to my authentic self.